The Big Announcement....

I hope it's not just my family (but knowing my lot - we will be!) but the men (and occasional female) always have an announcement to make. Usually on a daily basis.

They can go pee without trepidation, no real problem, but having a number two is different. I've tried to puzzle this one out in the past, thinking they'll grow out of it, but, alas, no!

"I'm off for a crap.......away for a shit.........needing a clear out." Are the ones usually kept within earshot of we immediate family.

'"Of for a tom-tit.........want a jobbie........taking a floury bap........" When there's relatives in - usually auntie's and uncles.

"God, here's last night's mudweiser".......oh, f*ck, I've a Marmite on.........I feel a bit of a buttflood brewing..... In front of anybody if it's the effect's of the morning after the night before.

Thank you, boys! I'm so very grateful that you feel the need to let the world and I know how clever and important or possibly scared you are but there's really no need! I know exactly where you're going and where you've been, and since I'm the only one who cleans out the toilet bowl - a fair idea of what went on in there!

Honestly - this must be some sort of deep-rooted need to be honoured or praised for what comes naturally. I now know why I occasionally find their mobile phone in the lav. If no-one's in SOMEBODY'S got to know! I'm just sad that I can no longer find the toilet paper of my primary school days. You know the one you could also use for tracing paper and making comb kazoo's out of......? Yes, that's the one - that made you walk like John Wayne after having to use it. If that stuff was still around it'd back them up for a fortnight!!