Sunday, 27 November 2011

Sunday Snippet (34)

 Cheer yourself up at your next funeral by hiding  £10 / $20 in your black suit today!!

Thursday, 24 November 2011

I'll Just Have To Lump It Then!!

Recently I discovered a hard lump on my right boob near the top towards my armpit.  It's about the size of a pea (processed not garden) and a right tender little thing. By that I don't mean it sings lullabies to me, but menourv   maneovr  manoorver  turning and twisting, even slightly can be right effing nippy!  Then again, I keep poking and prodding at it which does me no favours.  Even on getting it seen to at the doctor's, I didn't need to tell him where 'mumpy'  lives (yes, I do have names for various body parts) he simply followed the bruised bit!

Now, as such I'm not expecting it to be anything serious, but he is taking no chances with me........(coz trust me my medical files are as thick as a brick).  I know I don't look it *ahem* but in a couple of years I'll be 50 and would have been sent for my routine mammogram anyway.  I shall be getting a sample drawn and tested and all that kind of thing as well.  There is a chance it may be cancer.

Funny thing is, a year ago my twin sister had an op to remove a larger lump, kind of shallot shaped. It was benign, thank God.  For the family record, I know my grandmother had breast cancer, and my mother died of stomach cancer, but I know her chain smoking had a lot to do with that but the cancer seemed  to attack her everywhere bar her boobs!........And that's where my ridiculous theory comes in.

My twin sis is a smoker (since high school) likes a drink, bakes herself in the summer and has periods easy-flow periods and her lump was benign - well, it was more of a cyst, really.  If I let myself believe, and live up to the way things often turn for me, what are the chances of me, the non-smoker, non drinker, hysterectomy-scarred, ex-breast feeding summer recluse getting it a little bit tougher...?  I know it's daft, but with vast, past experience, this typifies how things usually go for me. The chalk and the cheese. 

I know it's gonna be okay. Really I do.  But I can't help these little thoughts from butting in and hitting me with it's less than 5% chance of my right tit's visitor needing an eviction notice from higher beings!

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Scently Does It

 She stood shivering, her thin little legs peeking out from under the towel as the rush of water was filling up the bath.  Steam clouded the room and much to her dismay the squirt of soap from a bottle was heard loudly.  Bubbles usually stung her eyes but they never took heed of any head shaking or blinking until it was too late.

Bastards!  They stood there laughing at her as hair stuck firmly to her head, messed up and tacky,  her ears jutting out pixie-like. Whimpering with each jug soaking did her no good, and soon she kept quiet and rigid, accepting each hit of water, sometimes too hot or too cold, each burning soap sting. Pure torture. They were really giving her the water-wheel treatment tonight.  Although properly toilet trained, she just stood there and peed, apologetic eyes flitting from one face to the other.  Had she been doing this on the carpet, she could have been facing being dragged along while receiving a loud, verbal roasting.

Later on, once dried and fragrantly dusted, she was amazed that she wasn't sent straight to bed.  Instead she was given a meal, nothing special, but even that was followed by some crunchy biscuits and milk.  Maybe they'd forgiven her? For her repetitive sin. Come to accept that in life there are some things nature just can't control.  She couldn't stop them from forcing her into bath water and coming out smelling of bubblegum. They couldn't stop her from seeking out the biggest nipped off shit in the park and rolling in it.


Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Remember (Mags) Remember, The Whole Of Movember.........

I'm being a bad girl this week and cheating on you Magpie's! I'm sadly not able to post a poem as I've a lot of music, manic mayhem and such like going on. Some of my time is taken up with the charity mentioned below. Dying beards and other delights........I will get round to reading your 'pie's in between the mania. Back to normal for Magpie 91 - here's hoping!  THANK YOU....XXXXX
 It's Movember. The month formerly known as November, now dedicated to growing moustaches and raising awareness and funds for men's health - specifically prostate and testicular cancer.
 Pretty Boy and NorseGod are donating their top lip (and more) to the cause for the next 20-odd days in an effort to help change the face of men's health. Their Mo's will spark conversations and generate laughs in raising vital dosh!  In reverse, hairy blokes are shaving themselves clean in operation NoMovember to raise the same dosh and giggles. PrettyBoy's university is a big supporter of the Australian-originated charity and have loads of scrawny follicle-ridden imports joining in. (So could some of the girls apparently.....!)
It's pretty important to me as my son-in-law James (see sidebar for pic!) had testicular cancer at only 26, resulting in removal of one.  He's fine, healthy and hoping to raise a family soon (with the help of IVF) but the thought that life could have lost such a mad, caring, and funny, funny bloke still chokes me up! All I ask is a cheer for the lads.  Those who haven't heard of the charity can check it out here HERE
Anyhow - here's how the face sprouting is doing so far.............
Looks like Ross (in sepia - he's a rock star to be, you know!) is not quite at the fuzzyfelt stage of his (much) younger (and hairier) brother, Adam. Ah, well. It really IS made from girders, then.


Friday, 4 November 2011

Get To 'F' (24)

Just a simple little pic as I'm feline a bit of a bad girl.  I stuffed 2 Haagan Daz Praline and Cream ice cream tubs in our shopping trolley when The Cheaper Half wasn't looking today!  Criminal ( at that price! ) but I'll feel like the cat who got the cream once they've all pissed off to bed tonight!