The Royal Weeding

I didn't spend any time at all watching the Royal Wedding. What a long boring ceremony. I think those who were willing enough to endure echoed mumbles for hours on end, were more interested on the invitees and outfits.  Anyhow, as previously planned, I spent the time weeding the drive instead. After I'd finished I decided to nip down to the local shops for some root killer, only to find that shops were ruddy well closed on public holiday!   Grrrrr!                          Long may the next royal engagement last!!

Time To Flow Home

My twin sister, as well as my best friend, are going through the menopause right now. In a sense I'm lucky, as a rushed hysterectomy took away all my womany bits when I was 29 and I can tell you now - I haven't once missed my womb.  For almost 20 years now,  I've not needed a pillow-sized-gusset panty pad to see me through the day / next hour and it's been a pleasure.  Anyhow - we were on the subject of menstruation and mood swings.

She told me about this gay couple (one was her bridesmaid) who synchronised their menstrual cycles so they'd cope with the shit-side of monthlies together. They were going through crockery like a Greek wedding serving Angel Dust kebabs before, not to mention dents in the wall and broken CD's!  Now, trying to convince a doctor that a lesbian and her girlfriend want to go on the contraceptive pill is trying enough, but it took 3 GP opinions for this request to be backed. WTF..?

I'm lucky, I found suitable HRT  (after a few months). I can tell you now, it is not a pleasant sight to watch a friend or relative take hot, violent flushes out of the blue and turn into psycho in under a minute, especially if in the next minute they're accompanied by an urgent parting of the red sea. Bloody shame, if you ask me...!

Get To 'F'

Every Friday I search for a picture subject, focusing on the letter 'F'.   This week's F-ing find.....Food (literalisms).  Anyone wanting the recipes just give me a shout!












 ...........anyone smell garlic here....?











A gamble on cheap tomatoes....................

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WOW WOE Wednesdays - SIMON BAKER

Each Wednesday I aim to bring a celebrity / well known bloke or gal and rip the star right out of them - via pictures.  We ALL have our off days although I'm sitting here with make-up, hair done and matching outfit (hair scraped back, dressing gown with egg down it and cold feet)  so I thought it would be fun to give the Wednesday treatment to our world of glam, and reveal their bit of common...

 I'll start it off with my very own fantasy bloke. Voted the handsomest man in the world (and I'm confident the galaxy) Simon Baker.   It's nice to see your lustings are prone to the same ruddy treatment from the sun....!

WOW! - how to do that beach thang > 
















WOE....!! How not to do it > (I'd still apply the after-sun on him , like...)














                  ***************************************************************************************

 And as we know and usually love him.

Sweet Hostage

The last time I saw this film, I was in a Blackpool B&B 25 years ago, while nursing a hangover. For some reason I let this film slip my mind and only came across it by accident recently on youtube. I'd forgotten that I'd said back then I'd need to buy the video as soon as I got home, but never did. I'd also realised how these types of films are my favourite. 

For me nothing stirs the soul better than an illicit love affair. Not the married tryst type stuff (yawn) but the ones where society gasp, frown upon. Teacher-pupil, priest-reprobate, brother-sister, doctor-patient stuff ect, with a story to say 'fuck the boundaries'  life's brought us together, deal with it. Sadly it's how others do deal with it that brings about the demise, but there's usually a cracking fizzle until that cracking gun! There are few with a happy ending. Films and books I've enjoyed are Lolita, The Luzhin Defence, Ae Fond Kiss, Stigmata among others and now this film. 

Sweet Hostage is about a 35 year old escaped mental patient who kidnaps a poorly-educated and parentally-drudged teenager and hide in a mountain shack. Initially, you would assume that she's in for a raping and a clobbering but you find he has respect for her 'womanly functions' and bathing.  He has an obsession with poetry and performance and literates the girl enough for her to write a poem that captures his heart. Despite him having once been married, they are are each others first lover. It is sweet and girly, but your heart does go out to other troubled souls. A very young Martin Sheen and Linda Blair star in this one. Seek it out. I've left the capture clip and if you stop on 2.24 - you get an eery glare from Linda that we've seen somewhere before............

The Carrier Queen

 Funny how a trickling heart
stays with you from your teens.
That first influx, that bated breath
and endless 'where's he been's?'


Following his chosen path,
a corridor that you..
Have no need to be walking down,
or simply passing through.

How those eyes drew girls alike,
that thick fair hair that shone.
So aware that deep inside,
beat unison forlorn.


Today he sat beside her, 
not through choice but on command.
Her food it stuck on it's way down,
as his pinky brushed her hand.


She kept admiring from afar, 
feeling quite inept.
A prince to silent pauper,
in her lacey head she kept.


One day she plucked the courage,
asked a friend to plea her case.
He answered 'never in a million years",
laughing in her face.


Her friend delivered his reply,
a heart so wrenched it splits.
And without so much, as a mere touch,
cut her into little bits.


Soon parading round the school,
arm round another's waist.
Brains over beauty, rightly wrong
puts vermin in it's place.


Unrequited, feelings drowned,
into the pool of hurt.
No point in trying to keep afloat,
something that life reverts.

*******
30 years along the line
they met up quite by chance.
Was not so much as a mere touch,
but an evening of askance.

This heart he once had broken, 
beat a multitude of class.
Unable to believe his eyes,
kept topping up his glass.


This shy and hardy woman, 
now a mother and a wife.
Encumbered all his adds and thoughts,
his exilir of life.


Now he sought out his shadow,
with her interests alike.
A voice with words that flowed away
onboard a satellite. 

And when he plucked the courage, 
through the why's, the when's, the woe's.
Without so much, as a mere touch
she clicked her first hello.

Sunday Snippet (27)

I'm glad and very appreciative that food manufacturers include 'serving suggestions'  on their tin labels. I would never have thought of putting beans on toast.

Get To 'F'

Fridge Friday.....This week's F-ing find!

                                     You can't get any fresher than that!

Really...? Go On? Kidding...?

Not that it will impress or even be known to many, but my son called two hours ago to say that the Scottish band, Deacon Blue, (big in the late 80's early 90's in Britain but rebanded a few years ago) is recording in the same studio as his band is today. A fairly big deal for a local band on the climb.

But weirder still, the lead singer of Deacon Blue is called Ricky ROSS. There are 3 ROSS's in Casino.  Casino are recording LOADED GUN, and Deacon Blue had a hit single called LOADED. They both booked the studio within an hour of each other and from what I've heard both bands are getting hammered on the Special Brew right now. Well, maybe not that last bit....

A little bit of odds going on there....don't call themselves Casino for nothing, you know!!

And here's Deacon Blue's biggest hit.  REAL GONE KID.  What Scottish house doesn't stomp to this one at New Year..??

Get To 'F'

Furry Friday.....This week's F-ing find.......I think this little guy is fangtastic. Edward who....?

Sunday Snippet (26)

I love a weekend film - duvet and popcorn added - but it got me to thinking......How is it, despite all the millions of dollars spent on special effects, no Hollywood film has ever been able to produce a 'waking up' shot, where the character looks as fucked up as I do at seven in the morning......? Costs next to nothing to duplicate drool...!!

Get To 'F'

 Every Friday I go on a cyber hunt to find a picture that fits under the letter  'F' catagory, so today is Fish (fruit) bowl Friday.  A clever little edit this......

Timeless Tarnish

You stood for lorn against the wall
in the age of water and oils.
Saw time expand, mellow and grand
as you 'tocked your outer toils.

Speechless, though a talking point
to everyone who entered.
Mahogany with golden trim
gracefully you tenured.

A solid base that held you still
proudly and erect.
Yet ticked away your own demise
oblique, willful neglect.

For all the eyes you catered for
and all the ears that listened.
Anointed with a soothing base
denied your right to glisten.

For who cares for a time piece
that calls past Centuries? 
Not quite fitting in a plan
with adequate degree

You stood there proudly serving
till the young hereditary
Chose digital and lazer beams
domestical contrary.

Alas you wait with artifact
collections in the attic.
To be destroyed, nil and void,
non-aristocratic.

Farewell my timeless beauty,
finite in its clutch.
Oh, the stories you could tell
without hands or Newtons touch

Sunday Snippet (25)

GingerNut brought me back a nice little surprise yesterday. One of those ambi-pure plug-in air freshener things, called 'Open Window'. With Fairley's farm located a mere 3 miles downwind from our town, I can't see it being much of a selling point.

                                  Haiku Challenge


                                                       Just a wisp away
                                            Charcoaled by a beating heart  
                                         Pocketed desire

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    Sorry for not contributing much this week.  My twin sister (yes, I'll add pics later!) and my niece are up from London and I'm trying to pack in as much adolescent nonsense as is required before they need to return.  We haven't embarrassed or mortified the kids too much so far!  I have managed a little Haiku as I've been uploading a video. Catch you all soon! Normal Lena service will be resumed by the week end .....!                          

Poets Rally # 38 - THEM DAMN SHOES...!!

Thank you for the invite. Here are the answers to the questions asked before my very first entry. I do hope I'm getting this right....!!  Looking forward to the other entries!

1 - Yes.    2 - Yes.    3 - Yes.    4 - Yes    5 - Yes.    6 - Yes.  7 - Yes.


I've written a piece about we women and our supposed 'obsession' with shoes. I'm sure it'll help men understand what it's all about:


                               Them Damned Shoes        

Huge heels, buckled tight, squashed digits, micro light.
Skinny styles with taper tips, biting on your bottom lip.
Glarey reds, electric blue, matching clutch bag - earrings too!
Running shoes with miles of lacing, throbbing hot with raw abrasions.


Ankle straps, kitten heels, not as comfy as they feel.
Platform soles and knocking knees, twisted ankle guaranteed!
The leather look is really plastic, held on with some loose elastic.
Slinging back and cutting in, can't feel where your toes begin!

Trusting shoes with built-in calk? Still impossible to walk.
Pumps which state that you're quite hep, come flying off with your next step!
Pretty canvas, jelly beans, fray away your boot-kick jeans.
Seasoned shoes all bold and clumpy, hell for leather, getting grumpy

Cool espadrilles in the breeze, leave lace marks right up to the knees!
Going retro with some Kickers, further back for winklepickers!
Loads of girls with pretty faces, wear Uggly boots to many places.
Thigh high boots for kinky nights, make sure they are tad too tight.

Peep toes for the well-to-do's. Valentino - Jimmy Choo's?
Wellingtons for muddy fans, get as mucky as you can!
 Blisters, corns, skin that's chaffing, now who is the one that's laughing?
Weeping sores and toes all crushed, buff that suede up with a brush!

Out we go, to shop again, for our misery and pain.
But girls alone, we always choose -  put up with everything for shoes!

Sunday Snippet (24)

I was having a check up at the dentist on Friday and as on most waiting room walls, there was a note on the board saying how 38 people didn't show up for their appointments that week, and the importance of cancelling. Now, here's me sitting 32 minutes after my appointment time - as were many. I couldn't help but wonder, if all the patients had kept their appointments just what buggering time would I have seen the dentist.? Answer me that one!!

The I-ski-ng On The Make(shift!)...!

With Wii Fits about, a no claims bonus will become a thing of the unfitting past! Poor wee Fido.....!