Well That's Me Offsky Then.......

I'm off in less than an hour heading for London. See you all soon.

Lena
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Casino and Adam's Bands' Update

My boys' bands, that I hardly ever mention, are having a bit of a quiet patch. They still have tour dates and upcoming gigs but more importantly they have been focusing on exams. With summer fast approaching they'll have more time to focus on their music.

Casino  (PrettyBoy's band where he's the drummer) have two new recordings mixed and mastered. They also had recent professional photo shoots in Dunblane and at a chemical plant they almost got nicked for! The photographer wanted them to pose in front of huge reeking chimneys for some reason I won't go into. Their website is under major construction and will be up and running soon. Fingers crossed!  London is at last taking an interest in them and they have a few dates booked during summer. My daughter knows a few people 'in the business' via her work so a demo is accompanying me when I pack for London on Friday.

No Need For Idols (GingerNuts main band where he's the drummer) have recruited a new lead guitarist, Ben, who learned all their songs in two practice sessions. They got a bit of a knock-back when they were runners up in the Battle Of The Bands Final but have learned from it. New songs are to be uploaded soon. A demo is accompanying me to London.

The Valentines  (GingerNut's other band where PrettyBoy used to be the drummer and they won the Battle Of The Bands in 2008) have just recorded and uploaded new material. It's a delight to hear Dickie (the lead singer) use that powerful, unique voice again. A demo is accompanying me to London.

Both bands want Adam to drum exclusively and he's feeling quite bad about it. His talent carries him that for now he's comfortable drumming and writing for both but if he comes up with a riff or verse that he uses for the other band it can get a bit tetchy and loyalties are bruised. The rocky road to fame never was easy but it's simple as. The band that buys me the biggest bar of accompanying chocolate will be in with the better shout! Ah, bisto. Here's NNFI with new member, Ben.:

                                               Callum, Adam, Oliver, Ben, Conor

Wur Jamesina.........Son-In-Law Supreme

Why it's not a good idea to fall asleep pissed on a Scottish couch........

Shoplifter Supreme: Not so gullable.....

I've never liked seagulls. Noisy dive-bombing pieces of shit. I've hated them even more since they picked off  half the offspring of bluetits that nested, and we helped nurture, in our back garden.

The vision of that gull scooping up and eating the little mites as they tried to take to flight was heartbreaking. Two minutes out of the nest and down a gulls acid ridden stomach. If I'd have caught that gull that day I'd have had no qualms in snapping the nasty fuckers' beak off. We did manage to capture 4 out of the 8 young and saw them off to safety (via the R.S.P.C.A. in case any pedants were wondering!).

I have however, warmed to this little chap. Now, if only more followed this young bird's example there would be no reason for eating any more fledglings! 

Who's Teaching Who...??

Like her mum, my niece, Rachel, wants to be a teacher when she's older. During her visit yesterday ( in which she gave me a spelling test and taughted me on mine's gramurr propurly), she also said it was her ambition to write a book when she was older. When I asked her what kind of book she was thinking of writing she answered with utmost definition: "A library one".

Here she is marking my work..........and not a gold star to be seen anywhere!

Lethargy Be Thy Name

I'm a Jules today......

Sunday Snippet (15)

I'll never forget the day the day my Grampa gave me my first Werthers Original. I can remember well being whisked upside down by my dad, and the hearty cheer that went up after several back punches finally dislodged the lethal, creamy bastard from my windpipe! Gramps still  made me clean up the sticky stain from his carpet, mind you.

The Only Ginge I'd Let Near My Minge....!

As a strawberry blonde, I'm half way there myself.  I also gave birth to one and love him with all my heart. We're talking gingers here. Redheads are globally spattered (well, maybe not so much in Asia), there are heaps of them. So why then have I only ever found one sexually attractive.....?  As a twat who has dyed her hair all colours over the years (but not since 2000 - that was my millenium resolution never to do again!) and liked the spectrumed barnets of yore, why hasn't my secreting radar homed in on any other naturally juiced ginger?

In the 1995 film ,The Prophecy, where he played the nice angel, Simon, (below) I've always had a thing for ERIC STOLTZ. Fresh-faced and carrying a beautiful voice his character alongside Christopher Walken, (bad angel Gabriel) opposed perfectly:










Didn't quite fancy him so much in this film, but it was the film that really kick started his career. MASK was a tender movie, one I weep at with fury. I even tolerate Cher throughout the whole of it. Eric's acting was astounding in this true story where the poor little love died at 16:

He's slightly Bowiesque in this picture and I haven't a clue where it's from but I'd have no bother tending to what looks like a rather dry or punched bottom lip:

And here he is today, acting in some new drama series called CAPRICA. As much as they try to tone down those ginga locks to look 'subtlety-Brown' for his part in this Battlestar Galacticrap type load of bollocks (I'll get into Sci-fi one of these days) his redhead roots keep pushing in:

Eric - you are my only ranga, wannabe bonk.  Oh, how I'd love to share the ginger velcro effect with you. *sigh*

ps......no, the pictures' formats aren't speckled they really are freckles.......

Shoes For A Late Night Lane.

In Pieces Of Eight...

The delightfully mad and beautiful Dani has outed us to partake in her own recently tagged meme thingy. Here's my own pieces of eight.

8  TV shows I watch on occasion:

1. Judge Judy - can't get enough of her...damn, you American Idol. I'm losing Judy's because of you!
2. The Blue Planet.
3. Gary, Tank Commander.
4. Scrubs.
5. Eastenders. It's crap but it keeps the footie at bay!
6. Mock The Week.
7. Summer Heights High - Chris Lilley is Australia's best comedy writer/actor.
8. UK Customs - I'm amazed at what people think they can get past customs with. So fucking thick!

8 favorite places to eat and drink.

1. Gullnaar Indian restaurant.
2. Subway.
3. Marks and Spencer cafe - if I'm treated.
4. Pizza Hut.
5. Benny and Frankie's.
6. McDonalds.
7. JJ's.
8. Thorntons - okay, so not strictly seated for chocolate monsters but great for seeing how much you can eat before the police arrive...!

8  Things I look forward to.

1. My son Ross's band (video's are on my sidebar) CASINO playing a gig. (www.myspace.com/casinomusic1)
2. My son  Adam's band  NO NEED FOR IDOLS (www.myspace.com/noneedforidols) playing a gig.
3. Plugging bands......
4. My daughter Kerri and son-in-law James, visiting from London.
5. Chocolate covered anything.
6. Blogging.
7. My bed.
8. Mornings with my cat.

8 things I love about winter.

1. Early darkness.
2. Snow if it's chuckable.
3. Christmas lights.
4. Dictating how warm I want to be, unlike summer.
5. Jim- jams and hearty soup.
6. Streets being old-people free.
7. Party time with flimsy outfits and stupid hats on.
8. Office party stories and how glad I am not to be working in one any more!

8 Things On A Wish List:

1.  My daughter to fall pregnant. She has  polycystic ovaries.
2.  Me to be pushing a pram as often as I can.
3.  To write more songs than I mentor!
4.  For that odd pound or two to bugger off  while I'm not looking (my purse not included in this wish!).
5.  To get seriously pissed (and be placed in the recovery position just in case....).
6.  For more people to be sincere.
7.  To turn back the clock and be a teenager again - just to kick Robert McMillan in the knacks for cheating on me!
8.  It won't really matter coz  I've no chance.........*sigh*. Yes....HIM again!

8 things I am passionate about.

1. Music.
2. Songwriting.
3. My summer bulbs. I jot down the design before planting.
4. Cruelty to children. I adore animals too, but my last pound would go in a children's charity tin.
5. Haagen Daz  Pralines and Cream ice cream. I'm a slut for that stuff!
6. Muller Cherry Fruit Corner. I need a daily fix and will moody-blueberry it if I run out.
7. My two handsome son's and their future. I would die for them.
8. My only daughter and her future. I would die for her.

8 things I have learned from the past.

1.  That some people never change.
2.  That I took shit I didn't deserve.
3.  That friends really do care more than family when it really matters.
4.  That kids (of all ages) take in a lot more than you give them credit for.
5.  That you'll be reminded of the bad things you've done (in haste usually) more than the good things.
6.  That music is a better healer than medicine.
7.  That others aren't quite so quick at helping out when YOU need THEM.
8.  That surprises are more rewarding than certainties.

8  Things I want/need alternately.

1. need - I need new reading glasses.
2. want - I want to run and jump and not care where I land.
3. need - I need someone to take a real interest in my passions, someone who shares the same.
4. want - I want to be a bad girl with a good boy. Illicit love affairs always interest me more.
5. need - I need a good bloody hair cut. It's a bit too long for my age now and I can't be arsed with tying it up and fussing over it every day.
6. want - I want to be at a non ending gig with every musical genius I admire. Local and famous.
7. need - I need to clean out PrettyBoy's goldfish tank. How that ugly google-eyed little fucker's surviving in that water, God knows. Me to the rescue again....!!
8. want - I want to stop feeling like a bloody public service and scream......"FUCK OFF!  DO IT YOURSELF"  but I never will. My heart's too soft and don't my head know it!

Sunday Snippet (14)

A recent advert on television asked me to pay £10 per month to help free some mad bear. What a bloody disgrace! If anything, I'd pay triple that to keep the mental fucker locked up!  What's the world coming to?

Nefer On My Titi's!

We women would be liars if we said we were truly content with our bodies and features. We all have a little (or big) part of us we often say we would change given half the chance or monetary help.  I'm unhappy with my nose and always have been but it's my homage to my old dad. So I guess, money available, I'd keep Mr.Schnoz. Haven't done too badly in the past with it anyhow.  Had good looking boyfriends since high school days and the cheaper half was a looker in his time, too. My hair was and still is my crowning glory although I'm beginning to feel it's a little too long for my age now, and a bob is under serious consideration. Sometime soon.

So it truly baffles me how some women can take appearances to extreme lengths as did this Brighton woman. You'll no doubt know her story or seen her on telly for undergoing 51 surgeries to look like Queen Nefertiti. Her reasoning is that she was this queen in a past life but I reckon this is a curiously odd case of Body Dysmorphic Disorder.

After the famous bust of the Queen was found in 1912, she has went mental to look the double of it!  Sadly, she has failed. At worst she looks freaky. It is easy to tell that she has undergone self-induced mutilation.  Her now forehead goes on for miles and if I were her I'd consider a fringe lest she pad about in a Queen Nefertiti crown.  For all she knows Nefertiti may have had one once! I mean she was a bloody icon back then and no doubt was clad from the B.C.designers of her time (who was probably paid with wine, grapes and a snog/shag at her little brother or sister!).

I suppose my derision with someone like this is that there are lots of people out there with certain disfigurements that take a bashing from society.  My older son's (PrettyBoy) first girlfriend was born with a cleft palate. Obviously she had surgeries to correct it over the years and still is one of the prettiest little things (and gf I liked best so far!) I know. Inside and out. But it tore at my heart if anyone was cruel to her. There is mild scarring now, but it was a little more prominent when dating my son. She was real royalty to me though - a proper little princess. 

What I can't understand is how on earth this woman really knows what Queen Nefertiti looked like? I mean this genuine bust discovered a hundred years ago is really no certain assuring evidence (other than her supposed regular dreams) to rely on. Modern day women use and look for our most flattering photographs to share with the world and cringe and hide the truer versions if we can help it. So who's to say the bust itself didn't have a makeover.? That the sculptor did his Thutmose to deliberately chip here and there for the approval of the Queen?

 As with Cleopatra, I believe Queen Nefertiti was more of witty, than pretty woman. She stood by the side of husband Akhenaten and tried her utmost to change the existing religion to a monotheistic one, so everyone shared the same God, Aten. Yup, she was a lover of the sun as well!  The religion fizzled out after her husband died. Subsequently no one really knows the fate of Nefertiti. But I can say with utmost certitude she  isn't hanging around inside the surgery-riddled drum-skin of some 50 year old Brighton woman who's real problem in life is probably just ageing. It was what most Queens in their historic realms were afraid of most. Beautiful or not.

Sunday Snippet (13)

People think that onions are the only vegetable in the world that makes you cry. This is untrue. My mate was hit in the face by an iceberg lettuce thrown from a passing car and she was in floods of tears.

Sunday Snippet (12)

I like making time for a scurry around Boots before my journey home and called in as usual yesterday. As I approached the till I saw a pack of Immodium on the impulse-buy rack right next to it. Now chewing gum and handkerchiefs I can understand, but you've either got chronic diarrhoea or you haven't.

Chuck In The Muck With An Ounce Of Good Luck!

Yesterday my daughter and her husband attended a hospital app. Her husband had to hand in a semen sample for checking.  Sadly, the odds are against them a little, with mother nature having been a bit of a bitch. They felt it was time a couple of years ago to try for a baby but failure after 18 months meant investigation.  Kerri, my beautiful first born and only daughter has polycystic ovaries.  James, her husband, needed a testicle removing from cancer when he was in his early twenties, but thankfully has been fine ever since. It's not so much the amount that's needing checked but the quality, just incase. And to make matters more diffucult, the fertitily treatment Kerri was put on was the wrong one. A wasted six months, but thankfully gave her no other ill-effect. So she has to start from tablet fresh, as well as follow the strict fertility code on both parts to lead to conception. If not lucky this way then expensive IVF treatment will be a future option. If a couple in this world deserves to be blessed with a child it's Kerri and James and my heart is throbbing for a ginger granddaughter.

When talking  about the appointment,  I asked how long he was given in his private room to supply a sample and she said the sample had to be prepared at home and brought straight in. The fresher the better.  It was thought inappropriate to have wanking men in side rooms in this Buckinghamshire hospital. It reminded me of the time a friend in her forties needed similar intervention and her husband attended our own local Scottish one.  A room, a 'helpful'  magazine, a cup and a half-hour he was given. He was out in under 2 minutes. She was mortified and he felt like a superhero!

These days it's outside late at night, with that convenient bypass next to the nurses quarters I'd be more worried about and not daytime side rooms. 'Specially if the girls forget to close the curtains.  Of any hospital in similar settings.

Turkish Toppers......

Some people would do anything for a sale!  Take this new variety of pizza  that I got free with the 20 incher I ordered. A little too fishy for my liking but I think I'll stick to my Jack Russell deep pan stuffed crust circle of meaty joy!

Sunday Snippet (11)

Why can't cinema goers have some respect for pirate DVD viewers and go for a piss BEFORE the movie starts?  My brother's livelihood is in peril here!!!!

Titty Tom Tom

I absolutely adore the comedy actress Lucy Montgomery. I've not watched this for a while now but she played an uncanny likeness to Tom Cruise in her comedy show Tittybangbag. I wonder if he's aware that a British girl is taking the pure and utter pish out of him? After all imitation is the biggest form of flattery and it's not often a male gets a woman to double as him - especially when she's about 5 inches taller, too!