Evil Under The Ground......

Can anyone tell me what the world needs with this feckin' vegetable!  It should be banned!  I know it's got lots of things going for it, except the taste, but c'mon! Show me a recipe with celeriac in it and I'd show you the compost heap.........

Get To 'F' (29)

Getting us to 'F' this this week, a little bit of seasonal Food Literalism:

                      Baked Beans!
********************************

☼ Here It Comes ☼

So Scotland is expected to hit 80 degrees tomorrow?   I'll melt.  No matter what room I'm in I'll need the desktop fan everywhere I go.  My complexion will turn red, indoors and out,  my crowning glory, whether up or down,  will be soaking and end up with tuggy waves - drying out worse than ever.  I'll get both lethargic and allergic in the heat and my house invaded by midges and flies.

My mood will depend on how active I need to be and how desperately I need to venture outdoors.  If outside, anyone who asks me if I'm enjoying the sun will be asked to rearrange this common simple saying :  'right off  fuck'.   Thirst levels will soar and insomnia will be calling as the room will be too hot with shut windows and too loud with open windows.  Then the ruddy birds start wheetling and cawing from the first itsy wisp of light which is around 3.30 am. 

There will be fights to see who can have a shower/bath first and rows when the previous person has used up all the shampoos etc,  as they will need to be replaced far more quickly.   Food will rapidly go off,  wasps will land in your drinks and the cat will shed all over the house as well as bring you home loads of mice and poor little fledglings.   And that's just the start to the 'best' season of the year..............bollocks.................!

        WHOOOOPEE! Summer's here!

Sunday Snippet (37)

The bloke behind me in the queue at Tesco's refused to put anything on the conveyer belt without a divider. I haven't a clue what his problem was. The worst case scenario was that I might have paid for his shopping......

******************************************

Those Damned Shoes ( Hyde Park Poetry )

                       Those Damned Shoes! 
                        ------------------------

Huge heels, buckled tight, squashed digits, micro light.
Skinny styles with taper tips, biting on your bottom lip.
Glarey reds, electric blue, matching clutch bag - earrings too!
Running shoes with miles of lacing, throbbing hot with raw abrasions.

Ankle straps, kitten heels, not as comfy as they feel.
Platform soles and knocking knees, twisted ankle guaranteed!
The leather look is really plastic, held on with some loose elastic.
Slinging back and cutting in, can't feel where your toes begin!

Trusting shoes with built-in calk? Still impossible to walk.
Pumps which state that you're quite hep, come flying off with your next step!
Pretty canvas, jelly beans, fray away your boot-kick jeans.
Seasoned shoes all bold and clumpy, hell for leather, getting grumpy

Cool espadrilles in the breeze, leave lace marks right up to the knees!
Going retro with some Kickers, further back for winklepickers!
Loads of girls with pretty faces, wear Uggly boots to many places.
Thigh high boots for kinky nights, make sure they are tad too tight.

Peep toes for the well-to-do's. Valentino - Jimmy Choo's?
Wellingtons for muddy fans, get as mucky as you can!
 Blisters, corns, skin that's chaffing, now who is the one that's laughing?
Weeping sores and toes all crushed, buff that suede up with a brush!

Out we go, to shop again, for our misery and pain.
But girls alone (we always choose) put up with everything for shoes!

                         ♀(Hope you enjoyed my little tribute to the world of crazy shoe shopping!)♀

                                                                 *****************************************

Getting to 'F' with just minutes to spare is this fine Fishy Flowery Fing!

Sunday Snippet (36)

I spotted a sign outside a school recently that read  'Parking here could cost a child's life.'  I think that's a little severe. Surely a fine would be enough.....or a couple of points on your licence?

New Beginnings

I'm having a bit of a bloglist clear out today and fancy a  few changes. I'm working on new headers for my blogs, so may not even manage a Magpie or short story.  I like this kind of thing - good for the soul! And I'm ruddy determined to make some sort of animation in my header. I'm not really too clever at this so I may be at it all night with a few piddle stops! Right - here we go then! Time noted in pm and finished in am no doubt! Put the kettle on then...!!

Sunday Snippet (35)

In town today I saw advertised on the windows of popular retailers, Debenhams, that they were having the Best Ever Sale. Does that mean that we were all being made fools of last time? To think I almost went into the buggering shop!

Never In Mind

Never was one willing,
 shading colours from the day
Hues in all their glory
 as the sea bobbed them away

Never was one calmer, 
  listening to bows and hush
Where luminous bounced off the streets
  in mad and virtual rush

Never was one sinking
 as they looked up to the skies
Captivating diamonds 
 hosted under midnight guise

Never was one more inclined
 to meet up after dark
Slipping out to greet the moon
 and count the ripple marks
**************************************************

Sunday Snippet (37)

When the local rag reported on a recent fire at my friend's home, they said he had awoken to smoke.  These journalists never get their facts right.  It was actually a piss he wanted.

For My Bruv and my Sister-in-law

My brother, Rab and his wife, Elenor, celebrate 40 years of marriage tomorrow. So I'm dedicating this Proclaimers song below for this, their Ruby Wedding Anniversary. It typifies long love and partnership perfectly. 

Get To 'F' (27)

Thought I'd let you all GTF with the image of this beautiful Flamin(c)go Dancer performing in your minds!  Ah,.....she looks like she could sugar many a plum with a simple pirouette:

Sunday Snippet (36)

Just because Russell Crowe is a fat, cantankerous,  pain-in-the-arse, doesn't make him a bad actor.  It's his acting that does that!

******************************

Tut Tut......Whatever Next...?

Now - as you know, I NEVER  brag about either of my sons' bands.  The words Hotel India or No Need For Idols  rarely leave my lips..........!  So I'm making up for it via fingers........

First and foremost,  NO NEED FOR IDOLS are making their King Tuts Debut soon.  For those who may not be up on Scottish venues, King Tuts is thee ultimate stage that an unsigned band can grace their material upon.  They are sharing the spot with signed band The Banter Thiefs but I'm pretty sure that if ticket sales keep roaring, NNFI could steal the top slot from them!  These guys not only provide great tunes but great showmanship as well.


I am double-blessed, however.  This will be my second visit to a band there.  Hotel India (my oldest sons' band) graced the same stage at New Year two years ago when they were still Casino....and here's what a drummer looks like after an hour's slot at King Tuts......:


ps.......anyone linking on to the bands via this page's link is free to click the 'like' bit on facebook. Free demo's will be given on request and each 'like' gets a pound donation to charity.


******************************************
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

                              Get To 'F'


 As some may know, I appreciate it when Friday comes and I get to F. Even better if you get to eff with me. So this week's topic relating to F is feckin' faeries.  Another little sprite is waiting (as per)on my other blog. Check her out!! 

  ******************************************                              

Spud -U-Look-Like

I dunno about you (UK telly stuff here!) but I reckon if you put a short ginger wig on this couch potato, he'd be a dead ringer for young Chesney from Coronation Street:

The Curious Crinkles Of Helena's Hands

Passing yesterday afternoon, as the boys on a rare day together were downstairs fixated on some juvenile computer game, I logged on to my favorite illegal free movie channel and watched for the first time, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. 

Totally engrossed, I put my hand up to scratch my nose and shit myself when I saw loads of deep, and I mean, deeep wrinkles over my fingers and palm, only to remind myself that I had been watching the film with a hot water bottle tightly squeezed between my hands and knees. Mind you, given the nature of the film, I should really have been relieved.........I hate computer games.

Get To 'F' (26)

This Friday,  sees getting to 'F' in a double morphing - all feathers and flowers for the indecisive